he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize