I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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