You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
