You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I understand Curling. That high.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles