We're facebook friends in real life
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
