New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
