Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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