yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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