your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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