Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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