It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
