New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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