He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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