grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
