It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
