I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
