You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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