my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
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I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
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We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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