dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
