totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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