at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You're like the curious george of whores
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Vodka?
Forever.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
