i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
