Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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