She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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