Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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