Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives

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(404): after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives http://tfl.nu/slpi

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(334): View more from Alabama

I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.

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(334): I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment. http://tfl.nu/dpzt

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(502): View more from Kentucky

She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.

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(502): She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor. http://tfl.nu/3ap9

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(916): View more from California

It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment

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(916): It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment http://tfl.nu/y1ii

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(402): View more from Nebraska

On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.

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(402): On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms. http://tfl.nu/59ye

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(785): View more from Kansas

I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.

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(785): I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call. http://tfl.nu/1vmr

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(516): View more from New York

Man, jail baloney is awful.

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(516): Man, jail baloney is awful. http://tfl.nu/9ubn

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(803): View more from South Carolina

I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.

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(803): I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by. http://tfl.nu/6l9f

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(860): View more from Connecticut

could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.

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(860): could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper. http://tfl.nu/svv9

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.

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(+44): Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism. http://tfl.nu/zz0f

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(415): View more from California

get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing

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(415): get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing http://tfl.nu/v8kn

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(377): View more from

I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"

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(377): I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick" http://tfl.nu/h7rr

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(705): View more from Ontario

My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.

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(705): My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class. http://tfl.nu/olmr

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(520): View more from Arizona

That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.

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(520): That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky. http://tfl.nu/gdoe

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(904): View more from Florida

Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.

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(904): Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake. http://tfl.nu/mh4i

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