Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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