i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
