This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
