He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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