8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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