i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
