o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
