there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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