My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
