I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
