Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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