And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
