she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
