I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
