I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My vagina is very pro this idea
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Help. Why am I so naked?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
