I just pynch a tree in the face
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize