so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
