Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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