My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Randomize
