Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
