i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
