i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
