Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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