did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You need a sexual gate keeper
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
