I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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