woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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