he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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