I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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