My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
