dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
