super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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