I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize