Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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