I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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