New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes