put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah