The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".