Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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