Your dad touched me again.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
