i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
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She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
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one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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