Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Randomize