My boss' voice literally gives me gas
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
