so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
