It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Mom said you looked used
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
