I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
