I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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