We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
