I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
