Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
