but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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