We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
