They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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