:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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