How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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