I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
