you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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