remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
